My Regrets
by Anime-StarWars-fan-zach
Summary: What would have happened had Watari found the Death Note instead of Light Yagami? Would L still die?


**I hope you all like this. This came into my head, and I couldn't get rid of it, so I decided to write it.**

The power over life and death...it is an interesting and great power. Before, I never thought any human being could get it. I thought that only God was the one with that power.

Then I found the Death Note. It changed everything.

I don't think that anyone could resist using it, at least once, at least to see if it was real or not. Not even me.

When I first found it, I thought it was nothing more than a crude joke. Young people today, looking for any way out of the ordinary, of the mundane, even turning to the morbidity of death for humor. The thin black notebook was by no means ornate… the handwriting seemed crude, almost rushed, and the pages seemed to be those of an ordinary notebook. I even thought young L to be the culprit, before I read it thoroughly. I had to admit, it was tempting to write a name down in it. A silly thought... if it were a hoax, I would be the focus of someone's joke. If it were real, however...

But I couldn't write just any name down in it. If this was real, I couldn't let an innocent person die. To do so would make me a murderer, even if it was with a pen, from many miles away, in an innocent experiment, would it not?

I turned on the television to see a report about a mass murderer finally being captured in the United States. It showed his name and face.

I had my test subject.

Truly, I did not think it would work. I was certain this notebook was just made by some bored teenager, looking to play a prank on an old man.

After forty seconds had passed, I was convinced it hadn't worked. I had played into the prank. Then, five minutes later, the reporter said that the mass murderer had died of a heart attack. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe that the Death Note had actually worked. It just had to be a coincidence.

Just to disprove that the Death Note worked, I wrote down the name of a drug dealer L had found and captured. This time, however, I wrote down that he was to shoot himself in the head, and put the notebook away, somewhat embarrassed by my fervor. I later found out from L that, during his trial, the drug dealer had tackled a guard, grabbed his gun, and shot himself in the head.

The Death Note was real. One hundred percent, horrifyingly real.

After a few days of regret, I realized I could do something great with this Note.

I could save this world from crime with it.

I should have realized this idea was foolish. Crime could never be truly eliminated. Considering my age, I _should _know better. Not to mention, I would become a murderer myself.

But I could not resist.

I didn't think anyone else in the world would be able to do it. Most would probably use it for personal gain. Something told me that I _had_ to do this.

Over the next week, criminals all over the world started dying of heart attacks.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should have given up ownership of the Note. I wonder if I should have given it to someone else.

But I can't resist.

The hardest part of it all is keeping this a secret from L. I know he is determined to capture "Kira", the name the world has given to its mysterious new terror… and savior. A part of me is afraid that I'll eventually have to kill him.

I won't do it. I could never kill L. He is like a son to me. I know that I will never kill L.

"_You will have to kill L eventually. It's only a matter of time." _

That is what the Shinigami Ryuk says when he brings up the subject. But he is wrong.

I know he is.

_12121212121212112_

The body of a young man, somewhere in his mid-twenties, lay at my feet.

"I am sorry L...truly sorry." I say to his corpse. I didn't have a choice. He had been getting too close to uncovering the truth. I didn't want to do this. I never thought I'd kill him.

How wrong I was.

The Note has changed me for the worse, I now realize. It corrupts its user. Even if it is used for the best of intentions, it still corrupts the user until they lose their humanity. Now I realize this. But it's too late. I have killed the person dearest to me.

I should have given up the Note once I found out it was real. If only I could change all that has happened. If only I could reverse time and give this Note to someone else.

But I can't.

Even with all the good that has come from it, such as giving people hope and dropping the crime rate, none of that can ever make up for this.

"You were right Ryuk...you were right." I say to the Shinigami. He grins his monstrous grin.

And so, with tears streaming down my face, I write one last name in the Note:

_Quillsh Wammy_


End file.
